


Through These Crashing Waves, I'm Drowning

by dreaminginglitter



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Grief/Mourning, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminginglitter/pseuds/dreaminginglitter
Summary: After being away for five years, Max suddenly has her world changed forever in a way that she least expects it.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Through These Crashing Waves, I'm Drowning

One Tuesday in early October, Max Caulfield walked across campus at Blackwell Academy. The weather was rainy, and she shivered as a gust of wind blew, scattering leaves across campus and leaving her cold. She had decided to go to a local pizzeria for lunch, deciding that pizza sounded good with this weather.

As she continued to walk to the bus stop, she thought about how life felt different to her in Arcadia Bay now that she was back after being away for five years. Sure, she grew up here, but she now felt like an outsider in the very place she called home since childhood. Maybe it was because Max had always been shy and quiet, opting to observe life through a camera lens. Max felt she was able to capture moments in time to keep forever, although she desperately wished she could experience some moments again. Life didn’t work like that, though.

When Max made it to the bus stop, she didn’t have to wait long for the bus to show up. Climbing the steps of the yellow vehicle, she bid the driver a hello and opted to sit down towards the front. After what only felt like a few minutes, she had reached her destination and smiled. What could she say, she was really excited for pizza. She quickly got off the bus and walked over to the door of the pizzeria, pulling it open. The smells of pepperoni, cheese, salads, pop, and other things typically found in a pizza place met her nose and smelled delicious.

“Hi,” Max said cheerfully, stepping up to the counter. “I’d like to order a personal sized pizza with pepperoni and cheese. For here, please,” She took out ten dollars from the pocket of her jeans and placed it on the counter. The cashier behind the counter took the money and asked, “And the name for the order?”

“Max.”

“Okay, Max. It’ll be about fifteen minutes for your order to be ready.” Max nodded in response, walking over to the window of the restaurant. Though the weather was still cold, gray, and rainy, Max couldn’t help but notice a blue butterfly land on the window sill outside suddenly. She looked at the butterfly in wonder, and took out her camera from her bag. Carefully lining up the butterfly for a good shot, she pressed the button on the camera to take the picture. With a snap, the photo had been taken and she retrieved the photo from the camera. Digital cameras were cool and all, but there was something special about an old school, instant camera. Max couldn’t put her finger on it, but it felt as if there was a comforting feeling around this butterfly. Butterflies were free to fly and explore the world as they so pleased. Max wished she had that sort of adventurous spirit within her like she once did during her younger years.

“Max?” a voice called out, signaling that the pizza was ready. Max returned to the counter and took the pizza, electing to sit down in a small booth near the window. Maybe she’d see another butterfly, she reasoned.

Bringing a slice to her mouth, the first bite of pizza was absolutely delicious and comforting. ‘Whoever thought to make pizza for the first time was a gift to the world,’ Max thought, happily chewing the food and savoring the taste.

“We interrupt this program to bring you a breaking news alert…” Max looked up and noticed a small television that was now broadcasting the local news, the time in the corner said it was 12:07 PM. The anchorman looked serious and a little sad. He took a deep breath before continuing, “Arcadia Bay police have confirmed today that Arcadia Bay woman, Chloe Price, was brutally murdered yesterday morning. It appears that a man by the name of Nathan Prescott shot Price after a heated argument yesterday, and Prescott was taken into custody for questioning. Price was nineteen years old.”

Max went into shock, her pizza immediately forgotten on the table. “What the fuck?” Max said aloud, her own own sounding strange and foreign to her, not believing what she had just heard. “Chloe?”

 _I have to get out of here, there’s no fucking way that it’s true_. Max thought to herself, picking up her bag and half running towards the door, her appetite disappearing completely. She had just misheard, there’s no way that Chloe, her childhood best friend, could have been murdered. Once outside, she started running as fast as she could against the rain, almost tripping a few times due to it being difficult to see. The wait for the bus to come again just wasn’t worth it, Max had to check out other news sites as soon as she could. She had to confirm this wasn’t real.

The faster she ran, the more her lungs burned, screaming at her to stop running. Her heart thudded in her chest, it felt like it was going to burst at any second. Memories filled her mind of her childhood with Chloe...hanging out at the Two Wales Diner as Chloe’s mom, Joyce, served them pancakes, pretending to be pirates in the backyard, imaging what it would be like to go to college together. They were Max and Chloe, always and forever, together even when they were apart.

In contrast to the happy memories, it didn’t take long for the sad ones to show up in her mind, too. The last time Max saw Chloe, it was the day of her dad’s funereal in 2008. The universe had picked the absolute worst time to separate her from Chloe, Max’s parents had to move to Seattle for work.

Max didn’t really know what to say to Chloe once she moved. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, it was just that the loss of a parent so suddenly felt so big for a teenager to deal with. With Max having to start at a new school, she had been so overwhelmed trying to figure everything out that she just sort of shut down to Chloe, although she felt like shit about it. That was one reason among many that this couldn’t be true, Max had to make it up to Chloe.

After what felt like an entirety, Max had finally reached the Blackwell Academy dorms. While she struggled to breathe, she pulled open the doors to the girls dorm as fast as she could, amazed she didn’t manage to smack herself in the face with the door with how hard she pulled. Around her, she heard murmurs of voices and people moving about. Getting to her room, Max shut the door and rushed over to her laptop, waking it from sleep mode and checking the Acadia Bay’s newspaper site. She didn’t even bother to sit down. “LOCAL WOMAN MURDERED BY NATHAN PRESCOTT”, read a headline, and it was then Max’s world completely stopped.

It was true, what she heard on the news earlier was true. Chloe, her childhood best friend, the other half to Max and Chloe...was dead.

Max fell to her knees with a hard thump, not even feeling the pain from impact. How could Chloe possibly be dead? Why her? They were supposed to have all the time in the world together, and now that suddenly wasn’t an option anymore. All because Nathan Prescott, of all people, fucking killed her best friend. Nathan seemed pretty messed up, sure, but was he capable of actually killing another human being? It was all too much for Max to think about.

Taking a deep breath, Max tried to stand up to grab her dairy that was on her bed. Reaching out, she noticed her entire arm was shaking and her chest hurt. She fell to the floor again, too weak to stand. ‘Alright, I’ll crawl, I guess”, she thought, and with more effort than she ever though possible, she managed to crawl over to the bed and push herself up onto it. She grabbed a pen and began to write.

_This is the worst day of my life. I just found out that my childhood best friend, Chloe, was apparently murdered yesterday._ _I don’t understand how this could have happened or why. The news says it was Nathan Prescott that did it. He...he killed my childhood best friend. She was alive yesterday, and now she isn’t. This is so fucked up, I haven’t even been close to Chloe for five years, all because I was too chickenshit scared to talk to her after William died. I can’t even imagine how Joyce must be feeling right now, she’s lost her husband and her daughter. Chloe died five years after her dad did. This world isn’t fucking fair._

Feeling all the energy being zapped from her body, Max closed her notebook and just sat on the bed, staring ahead. She distantly heard the wind blow and rain pour outside, and the weather now matched her feelings for today. This was something she never even imagined happening, and now her life was changed forever within the blink of an eye. Chloe was here one day and gone the next, seemingly out of nowhere. She was just here…

A knock on the door took Max out of her thoughts, slamming her back to the present. It was dark inside her room now, the string of lights on the wall dimly lighting up the small space. She numbly got up and open the door, noticing Kate Marsh standing on the other side. She was holding a paper bag, looking concerned.

“Hi Max,” Kate said, her voice small and composed. “I heard the news about Chloe and I know you used to be really good friends with her, so I just wanted to check up on you, see if you were okay.” Max stepped aside to let Kate into the room, surprised that anyone would really check up on her. Kate was always so nice, so Max supposed it didn’t seem out of character for Kate to do such a thing.

“I noticed you haven’t left your room in a few hours, so…” Kate began, opening up the paper bag, pulling out a sandwich and an apple. “I got you a sandwich and an apple. I thought you might be hungry or not feel well enough to go get food yourself.” She placed the bag on Max’s desk with a small but sad smile.

“Thank you, Kate,” Max replied. The truth is she wasn’t really hungry, though that did leave a question...what time was it? She glanced at the mirror on the wall, noting that she looked pale, her signature pink shirt, gray hoodie, and jeans looking disheveled. “Hey, Kate, what time is it?” she asked, almost dreading to hear the answer.

“About 7 PM,” Kate said. “I saw you come in around 12:30 this afternoon. I tried calling out to you, but you didn’t answer.”

 _Wowzers_ , Max thought, wondering how time could move so fast but feel so still at the same time. She pulled out her phone from her pocket, seeing that she had missed texts from Warren and her mom. She’d have to check those at some point.

“Thank you bringing these to me, you really didn’t have to,” Max said, gesturing to the sandwich and apple.

“I wanted to. You’re my friend, Max. You’re always so nice to me and you care about me, so I care about you, too,” Kate gently put a hand on Max’s shoulder. “I’m always here for you if you need someone to talk to. Please remember that.” She turned and left the room.

After Kate left, Max turned and sat down at her desk again, going online. The amount of social media posts she saw saying “Rest in Peace Chloe, we’ll miss you!” and other such things made this all the more real. Other posts included things such as “I can’t believe Nathan would ever do that, what was wrong with him?” Max was right there with them in wondering that.

Sometime later, Max ended up falling asleep after getting the energy to move to the bed again. She felt like her entire body was just one big, heavy weight now.

_“Hey Max!” Chloe stood right in front of her, bright and cheerful. They were standing in the kitchen at Chloe’s house, the smell of pancakes wafting through the air. Max could hear the sound of Joyce and William’s voices, too, laughing together as they made breakfast._

_“Come on, Max, let’s go on pirate adventures! Arr!” Chloe laughed, her blonde hair moving slightly. She tugged Max’s hand as a signal to follow her. Max was beaming, this would be so fun! The two ran outside into the backyard, giggling excitedly. The weather was bright and sunny, the air feeling great against Max’s skin._

_“Don’t get too into your adventures now, girls,” Joyce called, her voice sounding happy and warm. “Breakfast will be ready soon.”_

_Chloe was wearing a green shirt and jeans, and she had an eyepatch on. She sat down on one of the swings, pointing at the other for Max to join her. Max happily did so, and they began to pump their legs, feeling free in the air as they swung back and forth._

_“Max, this is so fun! I want to have adventures with you forever!” Chloe said, reaching out for Max’s hand. Max grabbed it, feeling like they had all the time in the world together. They smiled at each other. Chloe stopped swinging, picking up a toy sword on the ground._

_“Good pirate, bad pirate!” Chloe announced, handing Max the sword. “I must pay for my crimes, and walking the plank simply won’t do! You must slay me, good matey Max!”_

_But wait…_

_Max suddenly felt a wave of panic coming over her. “Chloe, you have to listen to me,” she said frantically. “You have to be really careful. There’s this guy named Nathan, he’s going to try and hurt you! You have to stay away from him!”_

_Chloe looked confused, moving her head quizzically. “What are you taking about, Max? We’re playing a game of pirates, this is just pretend! I’m not going anywhere!”_

_Max looked at Chloe in horror as she noticed a gunshot wound blooming from Chloe’s chest, seemingly out of nowhere. “WILLIAM! JOYCE! SOMEBODY HELP CHLOE, SHE’S HURT!” she yelled out, as Chloe crumpled to the ground, her blood polling underneath her. “Goodbye, Max…” she heard Chloe’s voice faintly, as Max ran back into the house, realizing that William and Joyce had disappeared. The air was no longer warm and joyful, but instead was nothing but pain. Max was suddenly all alone. She had to help Chloe, she had to save her, Chloe couldn’t die like this--_

“CHLOE!” Max awoke with a jolt, jumping at the sound of her own voice. That dream she had just had, it was so vivid...and...Chloe...was still gone. It was just a dream, but in real life…

Max checked her phone. It was 4:03 AM on Wednesday. She vaguely remembered seeing that Chloe’s funeral would be on Saturday. Truthfully, she had no idea how she’d make it to that. She felt like the world was dark, cold, and had absolutely no joy left within it.

Max wasn’t sure how, but she did end up making it to Saturday. She stood wearing a black dress and heels, she even put on a little makeup. She supposed that the makeup would hide out exhausted she felt. Since Chloe died, she was on Max’s mind constantly. Guilt gnawed at her stomach, desperate to be let out in some way. She had to make it through today.

Before the funeral, she decided that she’d go to the lighthouse, a favorite spot of hers and Chloe’s. Reaching the bench, she sat down. _Chloe, I’m so sorry_ , Max thought, the guilt bubbling up inside of her again. _I miss you so much, you were my person forever…_ the last time she had been here, Chloe was alive.

If only she had actually kept in contact with Chloe over the years like she had promised. She broke her promise and now had to pay for that forever. She still thought this world wasn’t fucking fair.

Max could barely remember the funeral. She did notice that Chloe looked way different than she had remembered. In the picture next to the casket, Chloe had blue hair and...was that a tattoo? She spent most of the time looking at the ground, she knew if she looked up, she’d start crying and may never stop.

“Max?” she heard her name being spoken softly, and there was no doubt that the voice’s owner had been crying. Max slowly looked up, seeing Joyce. “I’m so glad you came,” Joyce continued, pulling Max into a hug. Tears had welled up in Joyce’s eyes again, and she left them flow freely.

Max felt her arms wrap around Joyce, and she found the courage to speak. “Joyce, I’m so sorry...I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now...I...I miss her.”

“I miss her too. Max, if you don’t mind, could you come back to the house with me? There’s something I want you to have. If you don’t want to, if you think it’ll be too hard, I understand.”

“Sure.” Max replied. Her own actions felt robotic, though she supposed that’s what grief did to people. She had never really being through something like this.

Before she knew it, the two had arrived at Chloe’s house. Joyce unlocked the door and put her hand on Max’s shoulder, stepping inside.

The house was dark and cold, nothing like Max remembered from childhood. She had such warm memories of this house, of Chloe...it was hard to imagine that she was still gone and would be forever. Joyce sat on the couch in the living room, and Max had to shake the memory out of her head of Chloe pretending it was a ship when they were kids. “Sit down, Max,” Joyce said, flipping open a photo album on the table.

“These probably aren’t as good as yours, but...here’s some pictures of you and Chloe.”

Max looked at the pictures. One of them included the two girls playing pirates, just like in Max’s dream. It seemed like a life time ago that these were taken, and at the same time felt like it was just yesterday.

“Joyce…” Max started, feeling anxious. “I’m so sorry I never kept in touch after William...you both were going through so much and I just bailed. I left her, and she probably hates me for it. If only I had...if I had kept up with her, maybe I could have helped...maybe she’d still be here.” Max just admitted to the guilt she had been feeling the past few days: that Chloe’s death was, in part, her fault.

“Oh, Max,” Joyce’s voice was gentle and comforting as she pulled Max into another hug. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m not sure why that kid decided to go after my baby girl, but...she was different after William died. She was angry all the time and got into drugs and drinking. As much as I loved her and tried to help her, she pushed me away too. There was nothing you could do to fix it. And please don’t tell me there was something you could do, Max. This was just out of our control, as much as I miss my daughter…” Joyce cried, feeling pained for herself, Chloe, and Max.

Max felt something inside of her break and all of her emotions came flooding out at once. She took a deep, shuddering breath as reality crashed over her. Chloe was gone, and she wasn’t coming back, no matter how much Max begged, pleaded, or wished it to be different. Feeling her entire body shake, she sobbed in Joyce’s arms and silently berated herself for doing so. “I’m so sorry, Joyce,” her voice sounded like someone had stuffed cotton balls in her mouth. “I shouldn’t be this upset, I wasn’t close to Chloe in five years. We were supposed to be Max and Chloe, together forever, even when we were apart.”

“Max...you loved her, and she loved you. I know you’re hurting, and that’s to be expected. It’s okay, I’m not mad.”

Somewhere in the middle of sobbing, Max drifted off to sleep, finding herself in another dream.

_“Yo, Max,” she heard Chloe's voice again, this time with an edge of anger. “Why the fuck did you leave? Why didn’t you save me? I needed you, Max, and you just fucking left!” Chloe yelled, breaking off into a sob._

_“Chloe, I’m so sorry, I...I never should have left.” Max said quietly, guilt flowing throughout her whole body._

_“You’re damn right you shouldn’t have. Because of you, I’m dead…” Chloe sobbed, and the sound broke Max’s heart._

_“Chloe, no, I couldn’t have helped you, your mom said--”_

_“Fuck what she said,” Chloe spat. “She caused my misery too. If she hadn’t called my dad, he’d still be alive too.”_

_“You can’t say that,” Max pleaded, looking at Chloe with tears in her eyes. “She loves you so much.”_

_“Just like you did?” was the response, and it hurt Max more than ever to hear it._

_“But Chloe, I do love you, I promise you I do. How can I prove it? You’re my best friend, I need you to know that. I need you to know that I still care. I never stopped caring, I was just shit at showing it.”_

_“_ _You can’t. You lost your chance, Max.” Max had never seen Chloe this bitter and angry before. She watched as Chloe took a sip of beer and threw the empty bottle, the glass shattering._ _The bottle looked as broken as the two women felt. Chloe was broken because she felt abandoned, a_ _n_ _d Max because she felt she just wasn’t enough._

“Max...Max, honey, wake up...you’re safe, you’re just having a nightmare…” Joyce said gently, realizing the young woman must have been having a nightmare because she was crying and saying Chloe’s name over and over. Max awoke suddenly, feeling if there was the weight of a thousand tons of her chest. She had been moved to a laying position on the couch with a blanket draped over her, with Joyce’s hand on her shoulder. Max sat up and opened her mouth to apologize, but Joyce held up her finger in a “I’ll go first” kind of way.

“Have you been having nightmares about Chloe?” Max nodded in response, trying to wipe some of her tears away. The pain in her chest had returned, no doubt because of how upset she was. Grief made you feel like shit all time time, at least in Max’s experience. She was so tired, so drained, she had no idea how time was still moving.

“How did you know?” Max wondered, looking at Joyce in the eyes. Joyce’s eyes looked as tired as Max felt.

“Because I used to have similar nightmares when William died. Would you like to talk about it?”

“She said it was my fault and asked me why I couldn’t save her.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Max. I promise. Chloe may have been angry with the whole world, but...I know she loved you and wouldn’t want you to be hurting like that.”

Max sighed, feeling ready to cry again. She looked up and noticed that Joyce had tears in her eyes too. Max hugged her this time, and Joyce put her arms around the young girl.

“Listen, Max...I know it’s been five years since you’ve been around here, but you’re like a second daughter to me. You’re not alone in missing Chloe, and you never will be. You’re always welcome here, and please come to me if you ever need someone to listen. The entire thing has been so unfair, you’re so young and you shouldn’t have to go through a loss like this on your own. Chloe will be with you forever, her love hasn't stopped for you just because she died, I promise you that. I love you, Max.”

“I love you too, Joyce,” Max responded.

She had no idea how she’d get through this at all, she just knew this this grief would be a forever thing. She hoped that she could somehow find peace, and that Chloe could as well. Her life had been so rough, Max knew that Chloe deserved to be happy somehow.

Max heard some noises in the kitchen and realized why as Joyce put a plate of pancakes in front of her. “Thank you, but I’m not hungry--” she began, looking at Joyce.

“Nonsense, Max. Please eat these, I can tell you’re not taking very good care of yourself. I’m still a mother, and it’d make me feel better to at least see you eat a meal. Do that, and I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

Joyce did have a point, Max hadn’t really been taking good care of herself. Other than the food Kate brought her earlier in the week, she couldn’t pinpoint actual meals she had eaten. She ate the pancakes, grateful for the warmth of them. With everything so hard right now, even though she felt so much guilt, she had to take pleasure in the small things.

Max found herself sitting in Joyce’s car again, this time outside in the dorm’s parking lot. Joyce turned to the young girl, seeing so much of her daughter in Max. As pained as she was, she was glad to see Max today, it reminded her that not everything in the world was bad. “Remember, Max,” she said, taking both of Max’s hands into her own, “You’re not alone, okay? And you’re not to blame for any of this. I’m always here for you. I’m glad I got to see you today, despite the circumstances.”

“Thank you, Joyce, really.” Max responded, giving a small smile to Joyce. It was the first time she had smiled in days. She would always miss Chloe and always want things to be different, but maybe...maybe this would be a little bit easier with Joyce, Kate, Warren, and others there for her.

They were Max and Chloe. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mainly for myself. I unexpectedly lost a childhood best friend shortly after the final episode of Life is Strange released, and I still miss her every day. The friendship I had with her kind of reminds me of Max and Chloe, so I wrote this.


End file.
